the provocation's of worship

simple, unashamed worship. adoration, unabashed affection, giving honor...worship. love at is deepest, most pure moments...worship.

HOLY
HOLY
HOLY
LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

there's nothing else left when one engages in true worship. my heart heart is stripped bare. the vulnerability that grips my very being is relentless...and that how He likes it. for me to expose all the broken, dirty bits of my human nature. for when i remove all i can GOD then comes and stripped the grime from me. cleansing me so that i may enter deeper into His HOLY presence that i may encounter WORSHIP with Him.

OPEN MY EYES
HERE I AM GOD
JUST A I AM GOD
SPIRIT OF REVELATION
TAKE ME WHERE I CANNOT GO ON MY OWN

I NEED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE
TOUCH YOUR FACE
FEEL YOU NEAR ME, IN MY AND THROUGH ME
I NEED TO KNOW YOU

facedown i'm week and there is nothing left that i can hear, feel, taste, touch or see. there...there in what would otherwise seem to be utter desolation and abandonment is GOD! "now...now worship Me." He whisper softly to me.

HOLY
HOLY
HOLY
LORD GOD ALMIGHTY
THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU
HOLY
HOLY
HOLY
LORD GOD ALMIGHTY

tonight i did something i haven't in a ridiculously long time. i CHOSE to set everything else aside for just a moment and worship the Lord. i LOVE worship, the Holiness of God strikes my heart every time with the astounding Truth of His Majesty and Glory. There truly is nothing greater and i sit here almost in tears as I think of the Holy God, The Almighty Who has chosen...me. He is due so much, oh that I could give but half of it!
worship, just simply love expressed...that's all i'm talking about. some worship in song, some in writing, art etc. just you and The Lover of your soul...you pouring out all the love you have possession of upon Him. it's so simple...so pure. true worship is. i'm the fool for avoiding it, knowing that in despair...worship provokes SO much. people react to love being expressed to them...they give back a bit of love...do you have any idea what it is like to be loved back by the Creator of the universe?!?!? when we pour all we have before him...dude somehow i get so caught up in just loving Him i forget that He's even got something for me. then...then it hits hard!

tonight i worshiped, truly, honestly and longer than i intended to. i confessed all my ugliness and dirt to God and continued to worship, praising His Glory. My heart is so overflowing right now i feel like i'm not making any sense. anyway, the song i had playing ended and i stood there. so much came to my mind and heart at once like a flood. i suddenly had the uncontrollable desire to serve...to love, to uplift, encourage, laugh, dance etc.

i discovered, i wonder if for the first time, that a provocation of worship is a servants heart. For almost an hour all I said was HOLY LORD GOD ALMIGHTY with the occasional MAGESTY, GLORY and HONOR and all of a suddenly i'm so overwhelmed with GOD IN ME that i must express HIM in service to others!

i began my time with feeling of jealousy ad resentment. these feeling ar some that made me recognize that i had to spend some real time with God. i am sick and tired of continually walking around telling myself not too feel such thing, yet never taking any action. knowing full well the action required has been TIME WITH GOD WITHOUT AGENDA! as a result, jealousy has fled, resentment has been replaced with understanding and a desire to serve and intercede.

i feel i am not getting everything out in a coherent way at all. nor am i fully expressing all i had wished to...but it's a start and writing has always been such a feeing experience for me.

worship, pure worship. it's provocations are astounding! when we come to simply love upon our Savior without agenda...our cup truly overflows!

I LOVE YOU JESUS!

don't kick a dead horse...or a live one for that matter

all good things on this earth will end.

i am so quick to have all the bad things done and over with in my life. as i am sure are many people. we are happy when troubles pass us by and the struggle lessens. there is no fight to keep the obstacle before us. i am all too willing to let it go. "i wash my hand of you!", say i...well not really but i kinda want to.

then there are are the good things. why oh why do i expect the good things to last? i know when trials come they it's just for a time. a strong encouragement to me in those moments of wondering in darkness is that "it's only a shadow." yet i never seem to recognized the fact that just as tribulation has it's season and purpose in my life, so do all the joys. seasons of purpose. ...wow that would have been a much more clever title than the whole horse bit. *shrug* oh well.

life is a journey on some sort of road. no matter what it's made of or looks like or where is passes through that's a fact. roads are not for destinations but for journeys. if we just flew ahead to the destination we may very well find ourselves shut out. all because the time was not taken on the road to observe and heed those seasons of purpose. which come in both tribulation and joy.

i'm stubborn...(those who know me can stop giving me that look now) i'm very guilty (as are you i'm sure) of kicking the dead horse of goodness. of course i want good things to stay as they are! for them to continue to add joy and peace and all those other lovely fruits into my life. yet the simple fact remains that it's a season. new joys will come, but each one will end and we...i...cannot continue to fight tooth and nail to keep the old ones around. that's disaster in the making and only causes the memory of that joy to fade into a dessert i've had to cross.

i've been taught and practiced this principle in my life. Romans 5:3&4 suffering will teach me, strengthen me and build character if i am humble enough to receive it. that includes letting go of the seasons of joys in my life. accepting their end, missing them, longing for them, but looking back with no regrets and seeing how it's added o my life. should these joys involve other people i pray that i may also look back and see how God used me to add to their lives in that season of joy full of it's own purpose for both of us. 

i cling tightly to that which i love. i hold fiercely to relationships. i tell myself this is because growing up as i did always haveing to to move from place to place, leaving people and them leaving me. yet you'd think the consistency of such as that would have prepared me for adulthood, when i would have to make those choices and take action for myself outside of the leadership of my parents.

but then i'm stubborn. it's been a REALLY difficult lesson to learn and i'm only just now beginning to understand it. at least i'm facing the right direction. i want to be willing to let go of people, places and things, no mater how great they are or have been. when i know that season has passed, Lord let me see it's purpose, humble me so i may learn and grow. and most of all God...help me to loose my grip.

don't let go

Currently Listening Faith By Jason Upton Gideon see related

dancing alone

i've never been one to stick with much of anything for very long. but them...we all know that about me rather well.

when i have to get work done on my computer or writing etc, i have a hard time focusing while i'm at home. i try to take the opportunity of everyone's absence to get some things accomplished. thinking that the quietness of the place will help my concentration. it never works. inevitably i end up packing up my computer and other things, find a coffee house and sit for several hours speedily going through all my projects till each is completed. i've often wondered why it's so much more easy for me to get things done when i'm surrounded by hussle and bussle of people in conversation and placing drink orders. espresso machine sounds etc. why is that an easier place to focus than at home, in my own space with no physical distraction to be had?

i think i discovered the answer to that question today. it's a very scary thing to confess to myself let alone to anyone else. i've been trying to come to terms with this realization about myself for some time now. i've seen it surface in other aspects of my life. i know we are all vulnerable people to the core...yet it's our choice to show so much of ourselves to one another and allow the vulnerability to be exposed. i'm not so sure i'm ready to do that.
i feel so hurt as it is...the admission of this would open me up to a deeper different sort of hurt. perhaps a more justified one if you will.

today as i came home...to my empty room and fought back tears that were the result of all these newly recognized emotions...i knew i needed to release them some how. turning on a favorite song i stood in the middle of my room an began to cry. slowly i felt my body move and i began to dance. silent tears fell from my face as i danced alone to the cascade of emotions i still can't explain.

someday, i'll no longer be dancing alone.

Currently Listening Dancing By Elisa see related

It's been awhile